I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
