Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
