In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
