I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
