I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
