someone threw a dead crab at me
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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