walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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