i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Floor bacon is actually really good
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
