even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She needs sedatives and a leash
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
