yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
