I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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