I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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