Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
