my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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