I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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