one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
