I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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