I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
