I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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