We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
why do cheetos always look like penises
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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