she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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