Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
