You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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