Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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