You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
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So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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