mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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