i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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