ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
