I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
