you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
