Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
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Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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