I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
