whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
