my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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