walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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