You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
