Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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