I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
40s are totally the cure
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
