I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
false alarm. still invincible.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
