Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
