mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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