I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
