I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
