if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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