I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
