my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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