I could make wine with my vomit
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
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Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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