you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
