is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
