The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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