his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize