im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I love having hate sex.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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