im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
