Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just found a bag of teeth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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