Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I think people are normalizing furries
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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